i am genuinely paranoid that everyone secretly hates me and thinks i am really annoying and ugly and is pretending to be my friend and it’s all part of some big joke
it’s just you, don’t worry. Not everybody hates you, maybe a lot of people do, but there is no way, everybody hates you, I’m sure there’s someone out there who adores you. we all feel like this, it’s a little bit of anxiety.
so maybe it wasn’t the best idea to harm myself.. but I feel slightly better, good thing I don’t get too addicted to this.
Oh so you want to know why she was sent to a boarding school? You want to know why my friends stopped going to school? You want to know why I skipped dinner, why I listen to such angry music. Why I don’t let you see me where I cut myself? How about you open up your scars and show them to me? Tell me all the bullshit in your life? Do you like it? Didn’t think so. It’s not my secret to tell so stay out of it. Threaten me? Okay. “if you don’t tell me what happened, you can’t hang out with her.” SHE TRIED TO FUCKING KILL HERSELF AND HER PARENTS ARE ABUSIVE! SHES A FUCKING SKITZO! THE VOICES IN HER HEAD TELL HER TO HARM HERSLEF. FEEL BETTER? DO YOU FEEL LIKE A FUCKING KING ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD?????? I don’t need any of you. Fuck parents, fuck people, I’m done. I tried, to ignore the pain, the sadness that we all endure. Do my homework, turn the music up, stay happy. But not with all this piling down in one day.
What even are parents. They’re torture chambers. Bringing up old shit that I don’t want to hear. “hey, do all your friends still hate you?” “what’s wrong, are you like depressed or something?” “honey, they have problems, you’re not aloud to hang out with people with problems.” OH FUCKING REALLY??? THEN MAYBE I SHOULDN’T SPEND TIME ALONE BECAUSE I HAVE LOADS OF THEM! IF YOU HEARD THE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD YOU’D GO NUTS. SEND ME TO AN INSTITUTION. HOW ABOUT YOU ALL GO FUCK YOURSELVES. “If you hang out with her, you’ll become a lesbian. So you can’t hang out with her.” “I never said I was homophobic, I just said I don’t want you around those people.” How about no. how about if you heard half the things that came out of your mouth you’d hate yourself as much as I hate you.
You have no fucking right. Don’t pretend you aren’t a horrid bitch. You’ve fucked the shit out of my life, and I may have forgiven you but that sure as hell doesn’t mean we’re friends again. I’m playing nice, maybe a little too nice sometimes, but don’t you dare say we’ll hang out like old times. Rip all those memories out the back of my head where I’ve buried them. I’m finally over all that bullshit drama, and if I let you back in, my life’s going to go crazy again. Why do I forgive? Why do I do anything? Why do people suck?